Animal Fuckwhittery

There are two alarm clocks in our bedroom. One is made by Apple. The other wears a tuxedo. Only one of them has ever been trusted to get me out of bed. Oscar doesn’t believe in alarms. He believes in certainty. Somewhere deep inside that furry little body is a Swiss watch that has never once failed him. Every morning, long before the sun has properly committed to rising, he decides that breakfast has become a matter of national importance and that I, as Head of Food Services, should already be on duty. The first indication that my shift is […]